Copywriting Makeover: Subtle Changes
Make A Noticeable Difference
by Karon Thackston

Changing a few words in your copy can lead to double-digit increases in conversions. If that sounds like a bunch of hype from an online infomercial, stick around and I'll show you how it's done.

That's really all that happened with Kneelsit.com, an Australian ergonomic computer chair manufacturer. They had what would be considered a successful site with a continual stream of orders. All the basic information was already included on the home page, but the owner felt as though something was not quite "there" yet. He wanted a fresh approach to the site's copy, so that's what he received. And the results were simply amazing.

The Problems

While Kneelsit had great rankings for their key terms (normally #1 to #4 in popular search engines) keeping those rankings high required some attention to the SEO piece of the puzzle. Conversions, however, were not at their maximum. The business was not suffering, but it did have room for improvement. So, after receiving a sample chair to use during the process, I set (or should I say "sat") out to work.

Once I assembled the chair and rolled it up to my desk, I kept a notepad nearby so I could jot down benefits as I noticed them. In just a few days’ time, I had a long list of features and benefits to refer to.

As I read over the original home page copy (which can be seen here: http://www.copywritingcourse.com/kneelsit-home-original.html), I noticed something else. Many of the benefits I had on my paper were referenced (at least briefly) in the original copy. Some were phrased differently than I would later phrase them, but most were there.

However, in this highly competitive industry, I wanted to be sure to keep the uniqueness of the chair on the forefront. Visitors needed to quickly see that the Kneelsit was superior to other computer chairs available. The changing of some verbiage and providing more details in some areas would help keep visitors reading and help them easily distinguish this chair from others on their comparison list.

Once my list of benefits was completed, I began relating these options to other kneeling chairs and to users of ergonomic computer chairs. I wanted to see which benefits on my list were unique in the marketplace. I also wanted to know about the users of these chairs. After all, the buyer is the center of the process and should also be the focus of the copy.

My research revealed some of the reasons users would need an ergonomic chair and also the biggest complaints about some of the current ergonomic designs. In addition, I discovered which benefits were common to other ergonomic chairs and which were distinctive.

The Solutions

Armed with the research results, I started crafting the copy to speak to that one person who was forced to sit at a computer all day, in pain, and who desperately needed help. This person had tried several other computer chairs before with little to no results and was getting skeptical about finding a solution.

I looked back over my list of benefits in search of the ones that would not be found in the competition's copy. I focused on one exclusive, patented feature (the axle design) and the fact that the chair was customizable for every body type.

I laid out a plan for the new copy including keyword selection, keyword placement, benefits and key points to be mentioned.

Similar in many ways to the original copy, the new version had some subtle, but powerful, changes. The goal of the new copy was to show the true distinction of these chairs by highlighting the most impressive benefits.

I would also focus on incorporating keyphrases in headlines and sub-heads (where it made sense to do so) and throughout the copy. I had to pay careful attention to making the copy sound natural, as I never want the SEO factors to overshadow the message of the page.

The Rewrite

I really felt for the users of these chairs. They had back problems and medical issues, trying desperately to find relief. I can only imagine how it must feel to sit in pain all day, every day. And, after seeing so many false claims for other chairs, I could understand how they might be skeptical. So, after reading the new home page copy, I wanted the site visitors to have confidence, to see the difference in the Kneelsit chair and to understand the benefits this chair would offer.

Of course, those in chronic pain were not the only visitors to the Kneelsit site. While they were the primary segment, the audience also consisted of those with mild back pain, those with inconsistent problems or simple fatigue, and those who simply wanted a comfortable chair that wouldn't contribute to any future back problems. The copy also needed to meet their needs and provide the information they were seeking.

You can see the revised copy here: http://www.copywritingcourse.com/kneelsit-home-new.pdf.

The Headline

The original headline did, in fact, list benefits. It stated:

Superb Comfort, Perfect Posture, Gentle Movement, Natural Balance

However, only one of those benefits spoke to audience members… Superb Comfort. While posture may have been a secondary thought, gentle movement and natural balance didn't strike a chord simply because of a lack of knowledge. As it happens, these two benefits are important, but the general population doesn't understand what they mean. It would require educating the site visitors about these two before they would grasp their full meaning. That education couldn't take place within the headline (not enough room!), so those two benefits needed to be removed.

The headline needed to evoke feelings of trust for the skeptical and a sense of stability for the hesitant. It also needed to provide an obvious benefit - one that would catch the reader's attention.

Also, because it made sense to do so, I included one keyphrase in the headline.

The new headline read:

Ergonomic Chair Design Based On Years Of Research Lets You Sit For Hours With No Back Pain

The Opening Paragraph

The original copy started out just fine by naming some important benefits, but it didn't back them up. After pointing out the relief of stress and pain, it went directly into an explanation about the chair's patent.

The new copy took a cleaner path. It started by pointing out that others (users and professionals) liked the chair, and then it proceeded (in the next section) to explain why.

The original copy tried to educate readers about the importance of continuous movement and natural balance. There is nothing wrong with educating your customers; however, you need to give ample space to do that. Because the visitors had limited information about these two benefits on the home page, they may have been confused or - at the least - un-persuaded.

The new copy held firm on one feature: the swivel axel mechanism. It explained how this helped with customization of settings to fit every body type and more. With minimal education needed, the customer was able to understand that this one, patented feature offered multiple benefits.

Rather than simply listing shipping details for the close of the copy, the new version of the home page pointed out some additional benefits pertaining to quality and stylishness.

As I wrote, I looked for places to use the keyphrases chosen for this page. This was absolutely not a numbers game. My goal was not to use the keyphrases as often as I possibly could. That approach is not SEO copywriting, in my book.

Basing your copywriting strategy simply on the sheer volume of times you can include keyphrases makes the copy sound forced and ridiculous. In fact, on this home page, the keyphrases were only used a total of four or five times. Yet, to the amazement of some, the home page ranks in the top 10 (and often top five) for its chosen key terms.

The Results

Did it work? Did the changes bring out the results we wanted? They sure did! When asked about improved conversions, the owner of Kneelsit.com had this to say, "Our conversion rate has definitely improved since the rewrite… probably by around 35-40%!"

Sometimes, even though you may have included important information in your copy, it just doesn't do what you hoped it would. Take the time to explore, experiment and test. Replace a headline. Rephrase a paragraph. Subtle changes can often make noticeable improvements in conversions and other areas of business.

Copy not getting results? Learn to write SEO copy that impresses the engines and your visitors at http://www.copywritingcourse.com. Also check out Karon’s latest e-report “How To Increase Keyword Saturation (Without Destroying the Flow of Your Copy)” at http://www.copywritingcourse.com/keyword.

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